Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
