the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
