literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
