Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
