fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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