i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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