You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
