She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
