i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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