puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
