All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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