Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
