if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
