So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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