I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
