so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
