It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
