finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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