he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
