Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
