There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.