There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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