i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
