Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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