3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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