If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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