put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
