Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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