My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is my gift to your gina
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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