i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
