I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
