Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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