God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
