I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
