Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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