Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
