You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
