if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
