He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
