yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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