At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
