$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize