the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
