I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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