her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
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Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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