now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
