Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
