Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
