do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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