We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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