You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
