So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
