Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
