i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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