What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
