I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
