She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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