IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
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He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
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I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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