well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
