he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
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