totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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