btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude. I can hear the air.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
