just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize