ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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