Can Purell be used as lube?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
