i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
