do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
