nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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