also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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