i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
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He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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