So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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