i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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