oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
