Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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