You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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