dude i'm inner monologue high
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
