just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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