sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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