U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
