sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
