He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
