The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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