yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
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The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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