My first STD was from a foam party
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
