he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
