how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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