Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
